The Nerve

In all the recent conversations about The Cornell Seven and sexual assault, one question stays with me, and rings like a loud and rusty bell:

Why didn’t anyone do anything.

The period says how cynical I am. Says, Look how dulled your senses are.

Why didn’t anyone do anything. This is the question 13-year-old Minerva Mae Christopoulos tries to answer in my novel, @nervesofsteel, with all the zeal of a kid relatively new to this world. And with all the hope, morality, and righteousness that every adult should have.

WHY DIDN’T ANYONE DO ANYTHING???

I started this young adult-adult crossover novel years ago, horrified by The Steubenville High School rape case. How could boys retweet a sexual assault for everyone to see?

It was 2012. I kept writing, and set my book in 2013, during the rise in teen use of Twitter and Instagram.

As my @nervesofsteel audiobook launches, I hate in some ways how it stays timely and relevant. Why can’t my story reflect The Bad Old Days?

57 men in the Cornell Chi Pi fraternity group chat. Seven named in the civil lawsuit.

But to me, the worst stat of all is two. Two institutions. The D.A.’s office, a department of justice. Cornell administration, which is supposed to keep students safe.

They had choices, just like individuals of the mob had choices. The D.A., Matthew Van Houten, who not only dropped the ball but also played with the facts. The October 1 New Yorker article gives important context here. Check one of the most chilling parts, below:

Van Houten avows that “Jane Doe’s statement described her participation in drug use and sexual conduct as voluntary, conscious, and consensual.” Unless today’s undergraduates make a habit of reporting consensual sex and drug use to campus police, the D.A.’s confidence on this point is confusing. On Tuesday evening, Saeidi of CBS reported that she had tracked down a transcript of Jane Doe’s interview with campus police—from which her sworn statement was prepared—in which she states, regarding at least one of the later sexual encounters, “I can say with 100% confidence I was raped” and that she was “completely and totally incapacitated.” These declarations do not appear in the abridged version of Jane Doe’s statement as provided by Van Houten, who maintains that he has never seen the transcript, despite being one of the multiple men who were tasked with determining, in one way or other, whether Jane Doe was raped. (Thus far, three of the men named in the lawsuit have denied any sexual misconduct.)

There are people out there right now, men and women, who are all singing a version of a tune of “She deserved it.” They will pick apart her behaviors before, during, and after.

These folks want to condemn someone for not being their version of a Perfect Woman.

But here’s the thing. Right next to that poster child of Her is the one of Boys Will Be Boys. Locker-room Talk Larry.

He always gets a break.

And The Mob? Us?

I mean, I just didn’t think those group texts were serious…

I mean, what could I do, I was too drunk…

It’s none of my business…

If she wanted a threesome, aren’t you kind of asking for it…

I ask these people what they would want if they found themselves surrounded by a bunch of people who wanted to take something from them.

(Maybe y’all don’t deserve a question mark, since we should be jaded and cynical about anyone protecting y’all, too.)

Would they want help? Or would they prefer we all turn away?

See, the problem with the men and women out there in The Mob who do nothing and maintain the status quo is that however sick and dysfunctional the societal strictures are, these folks still benefit. Whether it’s a high from looking down on someone at their lowest, or a world view that says Some Men Get to Dominate (to me, it all goes back to, Are you a fascist or not?), these people embrace a do-nothing or it’s-her-fault philosophy.

And after talking to a MAGA woman two years ago, one who railed on and on about students who get student loans–only to reveal in this conversation later that her son got a scholarship to college–I realized that she and her compatriots believe in a world of a select few who are better than others. See, he had merit; loan seekers do not. There are ones who deserve all the toys. That superiority and resentment is what’s behind the do-nothing and look-down attitudes.

The nerve of someone thinking she deserves justice. I mean, she walked into that frat house, right?

The nerve of her filing a lawsuit.

The nerve of women thinking they can tell men what to do.

The nerve of the toy hogs for thinking this all belongs to them.

It doesn’t matter what mistakes the toy hogs make. Whether it’s the women defending the raping men, or the men who look away while others rape, it’s just “what happens.” The superior ones still get to have all the things they want.

This is not a random leapfrogging moment in my mind. Stay with me. Because everyday people, we are the problem. This woman who couldn’t hear a thing I said about people I knew who’d benefited greatly from student loans and who were now out in the world HELPING THE WORLD BENEFIT FROM ALL THEIR KNOWLEDGE.

No, she couldn’t see it. She talked over me, she leapt away to chain smoke, she acted restless and angry at the world. I could’ve been a bump on a log for all she wanted to connect with me. Hear my side of the story.

I bring her up because I know in my bones she is out there somewhere saying this girl deserved it.

The woman I’m describing is full of hate. Self-hatred first, no doubt, which fuels a narcissistic sense of entitlement and self-focus. Then a hatred of anyone who is generous to others, or seeks justice, or simply seeks to make a better world.

How ironic; MAGA folks pretty much hate the world as is, yet they will do everything in their power right now to defend it…

All of the above shows some of what’s behind hatred of sexual assault victims. Why else would you kick someone when they’re down, while raising up those who did the wrong thing?

Minerva’s nickname is Nerve, from her best friend, Diana, who becomes Cornell’s Jane Doe. Minerva, aspiring journalist, is the only one who has the nerve to try to do something. And while her 13-year-old actions are woefully misguided, behind them are a zeal for justice.

I write to not just make a better world but also celebrate the folks who are making it.

Can we celebrate the student journalists such as Cereese Qusba at The Cornell Sun? The story she broke on September 18 is why we are all having this conversation now.

And Minerva, who adores Christiane Amanpour and Rachel Maddow and Marie Colvin, well, she would adore Cereese.

I’m struck by moms and dads having conversations with 13-year-old boys, their sons, talking about this case in the effort to raise them right. Now that? That is different.

When my book launched, someone who taught preteens told me they weren’t comfortable mentioning that they’d read this book, as they feared that being associated with a book about sexual assault would cause issues for their reputation.

I get it. When I was 18, a girl in my dorm was assaulted by a Stanford athlete. She told at least five of us girls. We sat there trying to console her.

I don’t remember if we did anything. I’ve tried to find her. I think we might have said, “Tell an RA?”

I DON’T REMEMBER.

Maybe we thought it would ruffle our reputations to somehow get involved?

I should remember.

I don’t care that I was 18. I don’t think I did the right thing.

Pretending nothing is happening is not the right thing.

I wrote @nervesofsteel for her. And for two other folks I know.

The Mob is full of people without any nerve. Who have no courage. Who can’t find their compassion.

Thank God for Cereese and others who are full of nerve and zeal to remake this broken, sick world.

If you or someone you know has survived sexual assault, please contact RAINN’s National Sexual Assault Hotline.